Seduced (Royal Expat Series Book #1) Page 10

  Strangely, it wasn’t the fear of Colin which was foremost in her feeling of misery and helplessness. Instead, it was the thought that her short-lived romance had already come to an end.

  She couldn’t believe how fast her feeling that she was the luckiest person in the world had turned into this, a situation which made her want to break down and cry. How could fate be so cruel as to introduce her to someone who made her feel the way Damian made her feel, only to take it away again and replace it with betrayal, blackmail and a bleak, desperate future?

  She hated herself, because a large part of her wanted to ask Damian for help, ask him to fix the situation for her and make everything better—but she couldn’t do it. There was no way that she could be that weak, helpless person. How could he love or even respect her if she depended on him entirely to be saved?

  Matilda thought bitterly about how she had used to pride herself on how strong and independent she was. Unlike her sister, she had branched out, broken away from her father’s expectations to chase her dreams. She had travelled alone to a foreign country to discover herself and fulfil her dreams. She had found her own prince, instead of marrying someone for convenience on her father’s orders.

  Now, she felt worse than useless, a weak mockery of a human being. Asking Damian to save her would be the final straw. Even if she was weak and useless, she didn’t want Damian to know just how weak she really was. It was better for him to accept the fact that it simply wouldn’t work out. He didn’t have to know that she had gotten herself into this mess, being abused and blackmailed by the lowest possible form of humanity.

  Resolved to end things with Damian, even if it meant giving up the only thing she had ever truly wanted and been happy about, she stepped into the office, hoping to catch Sylvie alone for a few minutes.

  She didn’t even have to hope. Sylvie made a beeline for her as soon as she entered the building, alive with curiosity about the mysterious note from the day before and who the tall, dark and smoking stranger she had given it to was.

  “I’ve gotta say, you’ve got great taste in men. He was an absolute muffin,” Sylvie gushed as soon as she caught up with Matilda. “Those long legs just went on forever, and his eyes! My heart hasn’t beat that fast since my wedding day!”

  “You saw him?” Matilda was instantly intrigued, glad of any new information and details about Damian. “Did he say anything to you?”

  “Well, I don’t mind telling you exactly what happened. I went to the bar you told me about at about 7. I grabbed a bite to eat first, and I thought that it was as good a chance as any to sit and catch my breath, so I ordered a glass of wine and sat down at the bar.

  “I noticed a guy sitting a few seats down from me—tall, dark and delicious, with a tan which made me weak at the knees and eyes like a thunderstorm. He looked preoccupied, a little dark and moody. Somehow, I just got an inkling about who he was.

  “’Say, would you happen to be Matilda’s man?’ I asked him. He looked around at me as if he’d been electrocuted. That boy has it bad for you, hon.”

  “What did he say?” Matilda asked breathlessly.

  “All sorts that was over my head. He asked if you were OK, why you hadn’t come to meet him. He seemed to think that someone was stopping you. I told him don’t be so silly—she’s a grown girl who knows her own mind, and she’s been down in the dumps about you all week.”

  “Did you give him the note?” Matilda asked.

  “Yes, I did,” Sylvie said proudly. “And whatever was in it, it set him right off. His eyes looked like they were on fire and he ran out of the bar as if demons were chasing him. I had to order another glass of wine to calm my nerves. What was that all about, hmm?”

  Sylvie gave Matilda a curious look, but Matilda was barely paying any attention. Her mind was racing, replaying the words which Sylvie had spoken to her.

  From her description, it sounded as if Damian had gone to the bar every day, waiting for her to show up. He must truly love her, then. Colin’s words really had been nothing more than poisonous lies. It made her heart break, thinking of him sitting and waiting for her. She wanted so badly to tell him the truth—but she just couldn’t.

  “I—could I ask you to do me one more favor?” Matilda asked.

  “Sure, but could you trust me with whatever is going on? The curiosity is driving me to distraction. He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?”

  Matilda hesitated. She didn’t want this to become gossip, but she guessed that she owed Sylvie that much at least.

  “He’s the guy I’ve been seeing for the past few weeks,” she confessed. “I’m crazy about him, but my family doesn’t approve. One of my—my uncles came with me to America and he won’t let me see Damian. I—I’m going to finish with him. I don’t want him waiting around for me anymore.”

  “Oh my,” Sylvie said, her eyes sparking with enthusiasm. “That’s awful. Well, I’ll tell you right now that he’s a boy worth keeping. He cares deeply for you, hon; that’s not something you should give up no matter what anyone thinks. Besides, they don’t make them with bodies like that too often.”

  “I don’t have a choice,” confessed Matilda. “Please, please just deliver the note for me?”

  “Well, I’ll do it, since it’s you and you ask so nicely, but I’m telling you—you’re making a mistake.”

  “I know,” whispered Matilda, so quietly that Sylvie wouldn’t be able to hear it. She thrust the note in her coworker’s hand and turned away so she wouldn’t see her tears.

  “Hon, let me give you back this note for now. If you still feel the same way at the end of the day, I’ll deliver it for you. If not, well, let’s just say that I’m on your side, so I’ll help you out as long as you want.”

  “Thanks,” Matilda smiled gratefully.

  As soon as Sylvie walked away, she ripped the note in two. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t drive him away forever. Even if it had to be a secret for now, she had an ally. She could do it. Somehow, as long as Damian would wait for her, she would make it work. Thinking fast, she wrote out a new note:

  Damian,

  I want to see you so badly but right now there’s just no way I can manage it. Wait for me, and know that I’ll find a way to see you soon. I love you,

  Matilda

  When she gave the new note to Sylvie, the older woman gave her a wide smile and a wink.

  “That’s more like it,” she said. “Don’t worry, I’ll see the two of you together if it’s the last thing I do.”

  Matilda smiled back, but deep down, she wondered if she would ever be able to feel any kind of happiness or security ever again.

  -

  Matilda lay in bed barely sleeping that night. She was still unsure whether or not she had made the right decision to try and find a way to see Damian. She knew that she was taking a huge risk and putting herself in a lot of danger, not only because of the risk of exposing the photos, but also because of what Colin might do to her if he found out that she was disobeying him.

  However, she felt more hopeful than she had in the last few days, with the thought that she had someone on her side and a means of communication with Damian. Just the thought of being able to communicate with him made her feel better. It was as if her secret communication was a talisman against harm.

  She wondered whether Damian would send her a message back this time. Truthfully, she was a little disappointed that he had not written her a message after she had sent the first note, although the fact that he had tried to get up into her apartment to see her made her smile a little. It was just like him; impulsive and without any thought about the consequences. It had even been worth the repercussions to be able to physically see him.

  She closed her eyes, trying to get to sleep. She wanted the next day to come, eager for any communication from Damian.

  She made it to dawn the long way, watching the sky slowly lighten outside her window, sleeplessly impatient to get to work.

  Once she entered the building, her eyes
carefully made up to hide the dark circles, she immediately spotted Sylvie, who looked just as excited as she felt.

  “I saw him!” she told Matilda. “It was like he was waiting for me. The look on his face was exactly like yours. I wish I had a man that devoted to me.”

  “Did he say anything?” Matilda asked eagerly.

  “Better—he wrote you,” Sylvie said gleefully. “I didn’t read it. Here.”

  Sylvie handed her a folded piece of paper, and she opened it with shaking fingers. His writing was bold and masculine, and her heart jumped as she caught the faintest hint of his enticing scent—or maybe she just imagined it.

  Matilda,

  Follow your heart, babe. You need to make the choice to be with me. I’ll wait for you, but don’t make me wait too long. I love you,

  Damian

  She read and reread the words over and over, hearing them as if he was speaking them into her ear. It gave her a burst of hope and happiness to know that he was waiting for her.

  Just as suddenly as the happiness had come, it disappeared. Don’t make me wait too long—did that mean that at some point he would give up on her and leave? She couldn’t bear the thought. Now she had two deadlines to work on: Colin’s ultimatum and now Damian’s.

  On the one hand, she desperately wanted to be with Damian no matter what the consequences were. Sylvie was right. You only got the chance to be with someone you loved once in a hundred lifetimes, and she didn’t want to give up on the feeling she had when she was with him. She knew that after Damian, she could never go back to England and marry a man her father chose for her, like her sister was doing.

  On the other hand, she knew that if she got out of Colin’s grasp, he would show the photos to her family, or worse, send them to the media.

  The one idea was bad enough. She couldn’t bear the idea that her family might disown her. If the media found them, though… her entire family would be humiliated and the reputation of the royals would be in tatters. It would be a level of ridicule which would never be forgotten. They’d write about it in history books. She would have nowhere to run to where the consequences of those photos wouldn’t follow her.

  She felt like crying when she thought about it, but she didn’t want to break down—not now and not ever. She had to be strong. Somehow, she had to find her way out of this. She had to find a way to be with Damian and make sure those photos never saw the light of day. But how? She needed advice. And she knew who she needed to ask: the most practical and level-headed person she knew.

  -

  Matilda’s hand lingered over the keyboard as she tried to talk herself out of confiding in her sister, Caroline. It was true that Caroline was one of the most capable people on the planet, but it was also true that Caroline would try hard to weasel out every secret Matilda had and make her feel guilty about it.

  It wasn’t that Caroline was unkind – she just had the mindset that she was right about everything. Usually, she was correct, and this always drove Matilda crazy. In this case, however, she knew that she needed some good, sound advice in order to get out of the situation.

  Ever since she had been small, Matilda had looked up to her older sister, who had always seemed to have everything together. Where Matilda had never been sure whether her duty to her family or her desire for freedom came first, Caroline had accepted her role as a royal princess without a fuss, performing it perfectly and making their father proud.

  Matilda had always had trouble behaving the way she was supposed to. It wasn’t that she did anything bad; she was just more stubborn and always wanted to do things which were too dangerous, or too public. She remembered one day at high school, when her friends had convinced her that no one would ever know if they snuck down to the kitchens to get a late snack.

  Later, in the principal’s office, she had been told by her father that Caroline never would have done anything so improper. Then again, she also remembered Caroline telling her later that night that she did it all the time; she just never got caught.

  Bracing herself, Matilda hit the call button and waited for her sister to pick up. Whether she wanted it or not, she needed her sister’s advice.

  “What do you need?” was the first thing Caroline said to her.

  “How do you know I need something?” Matilda asked, hurt.

  “Because you always need something when you call me,” Caroline laughed. “So what’s wrong?”

  “I need a bit of advice.” Matilda decided to cut to the chase. “Caroline, what do you do when… you have two conflicting interests?”

  “You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that,” Caroline said. “I assume you’re talking about your responsibility as a royal and something inappropriate you want to do.”

  “Something like that.” As expected, there was no possibility of fooling Caroline.

  “Are you going to tell me?” Caroline asked. “Is it something you’ve done or something you’re thinking of doing?”

  “I—I just need to find a way to please everyone. There’s… this guy I want to talk to, but I don’t think daddy would approve of him and I know Colin doesn’t like him. But he’s a really good guy, Caroline. I just want to find a way to see him without disappointing everyone.”

  It was close enough to the truth to satisfy Caroline without alarming her.

  “Are you sure this guy is worth all the trouble?” Caroline sighed.

  “I’m sure,” Matilda said fervently.

  “Well, the best thing to do in that case is to compromise. You can’t expect to get your own way unless there is a measure of trust involved. Do you remember Charles?”

  “Our uncle?” asked Matilda.

  “No, my boyfriend,” Caroline said. “I met him when I was 18, but I know you were away at school at the time.”

  “I remember,” Matilda said, conjuring a vague picture of a stoic, respectable guy with a degree from Oxford.

  “Well, daddy was really against me dating him—he was a college student for one thing, and for another, we always have to be careful who we date and who we are friends with because we’re royalty. There are lots of people out there who would jump at the chance to take advantage of that.”

  “Yeah, I know,” Matilda sighed. She’d heard that mantra thousands of times.

  “Well, I wanted to date him, but father wasn’t too happy about it. He wanted to meet him first to make sure he was a good guy and serious about me.”

  “I don’t remember that,” Matilda said, although she wasn’t surprised that their father had taken such a step.

  “Yeah, well you were away, and for some reason he never made such a fuss when you dated guys.”

  “Are you kidding?” Matilda scoffed. “He traumatized practically every prospective boyfriend I ever had!”

  “You have no idea how many guys he scared away from me before Charles,” Caroline said darkly. “But anyway, Charles consented, and he told father he was serious about me. That way, I knew he liked me for me, and father knew that I was dating someone responsible.”

  “So you think I should introduce this guy to father?” Matilda asked doubtfully.

  “Why not?” Caroline asked. “If he runs away, he’s not worth it.”

  “But I know father wouldn’t approve—and it’s not fair.”

  “Well, either way, you need to earn trust to earn freedom. Sneaking around behind his back is no good. Sooner or later he’ll find out. Compromise is the best way to solve a problem.”

  “What if… what if Colin isn’t being reasonable?” Matilda ventured. “Then there’s no way I can earn trust.”

  “Of course he’ll be reasonable,” Caroline said. “All men are easy to handle if you know the right buttons to push. All you need to do is compromise—give him a reason to trust you and I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

  “Thanks,” Matilda said. “I—I think I understand what you’re trying to say.”

  “Well, be careful with this guy anyway. There are so many guys who are n
o good. It’s hard to find someone worth the while,” Caroline said. “Even Charles turned out not to be worth it. He broke up with me in the end, because he didn’t want the pressure of being with someone so famous.”

  “Hey… how did Charles make you feel?” Matilda asked.

  “Hm? What sort of question is that?” Caroline asked.

  “I’m just curious—what did you feel like when you’re around him?”

  “Just… normal, I guess. I was upset when we broke up, but there are always other guys out there.”

  “You didn’t get dizzy when you’re around him? Or feel butterflies in your stomach? Or feel like the entire world has disappeared except for the two of you?” Matilda asked.

  “Don’t be silly. That’s just romantic nonsense. Nobody really feels that way about anyone.”

  “Is that why you’ve decided on an arranged marriage?” Matilda ventured.

  “Exactly. It’s another compromise. I get married to someone suitable like daddy wants, but I get to say yes or no.”

  “Don’t you worry that it will stop you being able to find the right person?” Matilda asked.

  “There are plenty of suitable men. I’ll pick the best, and I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.”

  “Is that enough?” Matilda couldn’t help asking.

  “Of course,” Caroline said. “Anyway, Tilda, I have to get going. It’s late in England.”

  “OK. Well, I’ll talk to you soon,” Matilda said.

  “Be careful,” Caroline warned, and hung up.

  Matilda sat back and thought about what her sister had said. Was it really possible just to feel OK about someone and think that you were in love with them? She had never felt the way she felt around Damian. Somehow she knew it was a once in a lifetime thing. He was special. She wanted to be with him. She didn’t want to throw that feeling away.

  According to Caroline, the only way she could date him was with compromise—exchanging trust for privilege.